Like every other

There never was a beginning. Everything was a blur of memories and a swirl of events. But she remembers how it felt. Remembers the first fleeting emotion that swept her off her feet.But now that feeling seems...dampened, maybe even lost somewhere along the way.

She cursed inwardly when she found out their Pneumonology classes were combined for the next two months. She couldn't exactly explain why, but the delicateness of the matter, of equally dividing her attention between him, her friends and classes, it gives rise to a myriad of complications. It requires extra effort, extra time, extra attention that she wonders if she can keep up with the amount of pressure.

It seems trivial, that she knows. She will never forget the look in his eyes when he truly explained to her, over a cup of coffee one chilly day; That all he wanted was to have her by his side, to see her face everyday and to do everything together, like every other couple. His eyes were moist and glassy, sincerity etched into the very depth of his gaze.

That was the longest cup of coffee she has ever had in her life.

It's not that she didn't love him. She swears she cares, because if she doesn't, she wouldn't even bother trying, or even putting in any effort.

It's just that, she finds that its gone. That flame he once lit up it her, its barely flickering. 

What should she do IF it dies off? Because it is that flickering flame that keeps her going.

"Like every other couple."

Those words seemed to be on replay, looping over and over again in her head, that she finds herself strangled with insomnia. What can she do? She isn't any average girl. So how can he expect them to be like every other couple?

You don't know how lucky you are, her girlfriends said.

You love him, her best friend said.

You are no longer available, says her baby sis.

When bombarded by these situations, she found herself falling silent, not because of embarrassment. But because she was truly at a loss of words. Because if what they were saying are true, she knew these ghosting thoughts would not bother her. Not like this.

And with this alone, she knows something is wrong.

***