Words of Affirmation

Slipping on the tartan skirt, she checked herself one final time before heading towards the birthday party she was invited to. Her face was a pale shade of pink, not bothering to apply any make up would yield such results.

The room was dimly lit, music blaring from the home theater set at the corner of the already crowded room. There were many people, scattered across the floor, some occupied with making petty conversations, some too distracted with the great food. She swept across the crowd, locating his silhouette among the swarm of people gathered to wish him for his birthday. He looked happy, but she knew that smile was not genuine. It never was these days.

Taking a seat at the corner of the room, she distracted herself with three pieces of cake, which she could barely chew. Things were tasteless to her nowadays, that she noticed. Picking idly at the food, she was thankful that the room was dark.

From across the room, he shot her a glance, and their gazes meet. Smiling lightly as she mouthed Happy Birthday, she smiled as he faked a mockery of a response. Staring at her empty plate, he shot a quizzical look, and when she shook her head, frowning, she knew he understood her lack of appetite, but nevertheless, was equally amused when he offered to carry the bucketful of salad over to her. 

They've known each other beyond the boundaries of friendship, but yet that border was never crossed. As if fate was still against them, but destiny was still persistent about a second chance.

That particular night, destiny won over fate, as she found herself trapped in a conversation she has been trying to avoid for months. He smiled a triumphant smile.

You at least owe me this conversation. He said, as he pulled a chair in front of her, blocking her exit.

She flashed him an innocent smile. And as the conversation develops, the memories of them flooded her thoughts, drowning her whole. And she found herself remembering how it felt being in love with him.

I missed your voice, he said laughing as his ears turned red. Did you know that was the reason I fell head over heels for you?

She faked an amused expression, when in reality her pulse raced and her breath hitched.

Your voice, it’s the reason I’m still like this. Single, I mean. No one has that power to calm me down like you did, his eyes were deep, she couldn’t read it, but his ears turned a darker shade of red.

That was the closest to a compliment that she has heard in months. And those words were like a refreshing gush of air to a suffocated soul, blowing with it the dews of appreciation and affirmation. For the first time in a very long time, she actually felt alive. 

Special, appreciated and beautiful.

She was glad their conversation was interrupted, because truthfully she was overwhelmed. It was nice to hear a word of praise, once in a while. As a blond Russian joined their conversation, she was thankful that the topic of discussion diverged from their initial one.

I’ve known her for five and a half years. And throughout that time, she has only gotten so much more beautiful.

It took her a full second to digest who those words came from and what they actually meant. She looked on, as he continued to smile, first to his friend, and then to her.

Only more beautiful.

And she knew she was blushing.

She knew she wasn’t a goddess, with overflowing beauty and eternal radiance, but a word of praise made her feel like one. She looked back at the times she has spent with her boyfriend that she been together with for a year and a half. He’s a good person that she admits. But he never actually complimented her. He didn’t say a word when on their dates; she put in effort to look nice, applying makeup and dressing up in heels. Instead he asked her why was she was wearing heels when they were going to walk a distance. And those were a new pair of heels too.

He didn’t bother to dress up either. He no longer spiked his hair the way he did before. And he dresses in the same T-shirt he was in last week. It’s not that she is superficial, but a pinch of effort, even a fleck would be nice.

She knew she wasnt much of a cook, but when she recalled the many times that she has cooked them a meal, there wasn't once when he was actually happy with her culinary skills. Her memories were only full with 

There is still room for improvement.

It would taste nicer with a tad more pepper and less salt.

A for effort.

I can still deal with your cooking.

Those words made her heart crumble, and looking back at those times, she felt hurt. Was she that bad?

And with that, she just stopped trying.And gradually, she forgot how beautiful and gorgeous and talented she is.

Everything between them was a routine of tolerance and patience. 

The comfort was warm, but the suffocation was strangling. Eventually she felt herself slipping away. Because with just actions, her affections cannot be contained. She needed words of affirmation, to keep her alive. She needed more than acts of care. She needed that extra bit of spice.

For instance tonight, she felt more alive spending two hours with him, than the past year she has with her boyfriend. And the feeling was liberating.